Tag: separated by work

We don’t kiss anymore – How do we bring kissing back into our relationship?

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A kiss can be one of the most magical firsts in a relationship. However, the longer we’re in our relationship often the kissing fades away this usually happens when kids come along as well.

I want you to have a good look at your relationship, how often do you passionately kiss your partner? I’m talking about after the excitement of Fly-in day!

Has kissing faded away in your relationship?

So Why is kissing so crucial in a relationship?

Science has told us that kissing is how we assess if this person is biologically someone you can have as a partner for life. It influences the way you romantically interact with another. We all now a bad first kiss can make or break a potential relationship.

The act of kissing causes a chemical reaction in the brain, and with this, you experience a rush of neurotransmitters that goes directly to your brain’s pleasure centre.

Sheril Kirshenbaum writes in your book The Science of Kissing “Because a kiss brings two individuals together in an exchange of sensory information by way of taste, smell, touch, and possibly even silent chemical messengers called pheromones (odourless airborne signals), it has the potential to provide all kinds of insight into another person,”

“So even when our conscious minds may not recognise it, the act can reveal clues about a partner’s level of commitment and possibly his or her genetic suitability for producing children.”

So this can be part of the reason why kissing fades the longer you are in your relationship, as it has served its purpose biologically. Nevertheless, one thing we know for sure is that kissing boosts oxytocin (Love Hormone) and feelings of desire. And it is for that reason why you need to make an effort to keep the kissing alive with your partner.

I say, let’s bring back the enjoyment of Kisses again! And get you and your partner reconnect with that young fun hormone-filled teenage inside and get your Kissin on.

Here’s a playful way to get started – Neck Kissing. 💋

Let’s face it, for women and some men; this is one of the most intensely pleasurable areas of the body. Spend a little time here licking, kissing and light biting around the neck, jawline, clavicle bone and shoulders. 😘

Embrace the playful teen inside you and surprise your lover with some neck kisses 😘 However, if you are not there yet, that’s ok Gorgeous!

Here are a few tips that might help you bring kissing back into your relationship.

Dr John Gottman, Ph.D., the love and relationship researcher has come up with one of the simplest ways for couples to revive kissing. It’s called The 6-second kiss! Why 6-seconds John Gottman says “that is the amount of time it takes to make it long enough to feel romantic.” So within 6 seconds of kissing, you are boosting the love hormone.

John Gottman suggests couples start simply by sharing a 6-second kiss each day. And let the kiss speak for itself what I mean is it doesn’t have to lead to sex but if it does great, but that’s not the goal here. The goal is to connect with your partner with a long slow, deep, soft kiss.

I understand that this may be a little awkward at first, and this FIFO lifestyle gets hectic, but this doesn’t mean you give up on kissing.

Here are a few tips to push through the uncomfortableness of kissing:

Set a kissing routine – Yes, setting a schedule to make time to kiss may sound unromantic; however, it will increase the love hormone creating a desire and excitement. If you and your partner decide to kiss for 6 seconds each day of your R&R, this will grow into a beautiful habit of making kissing a critical part of your relationship, and pretty soon you won’t need to schedule it.

Initiate Kissing More Often – If you are the one who wouldn’t usually initiate things and are unhappy with the way your relationship is, take a little control, feel empowered and surprise your partner by making the first move. By stealing a few kisses now and then, it just might motivate your partner to do the same.

Experiment With Different Kissing Styles – One of the reason kissing fades in a relationship is because it became boring, the excitement and arousal were there at the beginning but faded away. Try experimenting with different styles of kissing, or kissing in different surroundings or situations where you usually wouldn’t. Check out our blog – 14 Tongue Tingling Kisses to Seduce your Lover.

Talk About Your Kissing – Communication is the key to a happy relationship. Talk about any concern or feeling you may be experiencing about taking on this 6-second kissing challenge with your partner. Having a chat about kissing is an excellent way to find out exactly how your partner likes to be kissed, and you let them in on what your desires are.

If you both make kissing a priority and focus on being each other “ideal kisser,” you will soon become much more connected, appreciated and loved.

Added Bonus Did you know that A One Minute Kiss Burns 26 Calories!

The next step is for you to try this every day of your next R&R together. Do you accept the 6-second kissing challenge?

If you accept this challenge, and if you’re willing to share, I’d like to hear how it goes for you.

Happy Kissing Gorgeous x

Real romance comes from the brain and this is how impacts your relationship

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I am a True Romantic at Heart. But as life goes on and our lives get busier, Romance goes out the window, especial if our partner is hardly ever around. Sometimes you wonder if your partner even has a Romantic Bone in their body, so then, you stop trying! Here are a few things that I have come across in my reach regarding your biggest Love Organ.

That’s right, your Brain!!

Your heart is perhaps the organ most people associate with emotion, but your thoughts and the areas that recognise love are stored inside your head.

So for those who are lovers of True Romance, you are our Right-Brained Lovers.

The right-brained people tend to be creative and spontaneous. They feel first and think second.

You are incredibly intuitive, which mean you can catch on quickly when your partner is feeling down suddenly. However, you need to be aware this can trick you into thinking you’re a mind-read or assume you know what is going on in your partner head even when you really don’t.

Here are a few tips to bring a little more Romance into your Relationship:

  • Appreciate your partner’s uniqueness
  • Right-Brained lovers take love seriously but have a great sense of humour.
  • Intimate love is a top priority for them – Make romantic gestures without ulterior motives.
  • Right-Brained Lovers are flexible
  • You will need to tap into their creativity regularly.
  • Is a pretty good mind-reader (incredibly intuitive)
  • They celebrate sexuality.
  • They see the world in a slightly unusual way.
  • They open to both the masculine and the feminine.
  • Remembers important dates and anniversaries
  • Maintains a deep, spiritual connection with their lover.
  • Is spontaneous.
  • They define themselves as a lover.
  • They are continuously learning and growing.

Left-brained people tend to be logical and practical. You think first and feel second.

You are going to need time to solve problems as they arise. As you are not impulsive, emotional, or reaction to anything; however, you are going to need to take a step back and think about things as they stand. As a left-brained person, a spontaneous date night is not your thing; you love to have a plan. But be aware that you will analyse everything.

Tips for Left-brain lover to bring a little more romance into your relationship:

  • Increase the amount of fun you have together by 10%
  • Say “I love you” or better still say “I’m IN love with you” 300% more often.
  • Spend 10% as much time kissing as you spend watching TV or on your phone when home.
  • If you’re quiet by nature, open up a little and talk 20% more.
  • Listen to your partner by focusing 100% of your attention on them. (No multi-tasking)
  • Give up 10% of your downtime when home and give it to your partner.
  • Generate 33% more laughter in your life together.
  • Spend 15% more time together.
  • Reduce your complaining by 50%
  • Be 25% more creative in your relationship.
  • Reduce your criticising by 60%
  • If by nature you’re talkative, talk 20% less and listen 20% more
  • Be 11% more thoughtful and considerate.

So in short, the left brain analyzes, the right brain intuits; the left brain thinks, the right brain feels; the left brain is logical; the right brain is emotional.

Left-brian lovers can be incredibly romantic; however, it’s just that the right brain lovers are loader, creative and spontaneous at showing it. But then again, those logical types are great planners of surprises and are great at noticing little but essential things about their partners.

Start putting a few of these tips into action and you with have a passionate summer with the love of your life!

Why is date night important in a relationship?

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Why is Date Night important in a FIFO Relationship?

Keeping date night alive is essential to maintenance a strong, healthy and loving relationship. I feel date night’s are important to all types of relationship, couples who have been together for a long time and couples with children. However after a decade of being FIFO wife and working with a number of FIFO couples it is essential for couples who are separated by work to make time for their relationship. Why, because we don’t have the face to face interactions with our partner to stay connected on a daily bases. We all want and need to keep our love tanks full, better yet have them over flowing, so that our time apart is more bearable.

Many couples come to me because they have found themselves falling out of love and falling into dangerous territory. However in my 27 plus years of marriage and professional career working with couples, it’s not as easy to fall out of love when you are spending quality time together with each other. Date night keeps the fun and positive times in a relationship which provides a healthy balance with the difficult times. Date night is a proactive way to continually create feel good moments helps to keep a strong healthy connection.

It also stops you from using your R&R (together) time trying to reconnect but rather allows your relationship to flow, keeping your love tanks full. Dates night gives you new things to talk about when apart, keeping the lines of communication alive. And we all know how important communication is in a FIFO relationship.

Date Night Brings Back the Spark and keeps the Fire burning while apart!

For me date night would take me into another world and remind me that I am a wife and not just a FIFO wife or mum of 3 who is trying her hardest to keep our household running smoothly. Date night ignites the sparkle in my eyes and into my heart. It gives me something to look forward to every R&R.

It makes the countdown exciting and helps me remember those wonderful feelings of our courtship days.

We often forget that a relationship needs to be nourished and keeping all those feelings of love alive is an opportunity and the responsibility of both of you. You can’t just stop doing all the things you used to do when you were courting and expect your relationship to stay strong and exciting. Your relationship needs constant nourishment emotionally, spiritually and sexually.

For many of us FIFO families R&R is family time. But as a mum of 3 I would find myself long for Fly In Day, as I knew there was some such needed down-time for me, for us. The heart of a strong family is a strong marriage/relationship where couples make each other a priority. Relationship/couple time is different from family time, so make sure that every R&R has a portion of family time and couple time.

Emotional intimacy and connection grows through regular date nights, it’s the fuel that makes both you and your partner feel loved, cherished and desirable, especially while apart. Date night is not optional for FIFO couples who want to stay close and connected.

Date Night is Emotional Foreplay for a FIFO Relationship…

Date night grows the emotional connection between couples, allowing all those days apart wash way any feeling of disconnect FIFO has created. It is an important part of emotional foreplay, which many women need in order to feel close to their partner and stops her from feeling lonely in her FIFO relationship. This emotional closeness makes it easier for her to move from feeling emotionally intimate to wanting to be physically intimate long after fly in day has faded.

It is important not to have “string attached” to your date night as this will lead to disappointment and will undo all the wonderful positive feeling your date night has created. Nobody wants to feel as though they are being “wined and dined” because of something that is expected in return. Just enjoy each other and focus on building your connection. And your time together will take care of itself! (wink wink)

Just Enjoy Each Other – Some of my favourite dates were when we would put the kids to bed a little early and snuggle up on the lounge watching a movie or we sitting outside with a few drinking chatting away as if the distance of FIFO never existed.

Whether your date nights are an evening dinner date or a lunch date during the week, or even just time spent together after the kids are in bed — this time is gold and sacred.

If you are not having at least one date when on R&R now is the time to start adding a little emotional foreplay to your relationship by booking a date night or two. Whatever you decide to do on your dates, just enjoy each other and reconnect with your WHY you dated and fell in love with each other in the first place.

 

Book Review – Separated By Work

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Blank vertical book cover template standing on white surface VSeparated By Work – Kirsty O’callaghan

 

I first picked up my copy of Separated By Work at Kirsty’s book launch in March of this year. As a long time FIFO partner and FIFO coach I enjoyed listening to Kirsty speak about her experience as a FIFO wife. She shared her relationship and family struggles and the mistakes she made in the beginning and she really hit home.

I connected absolutely with what she was talking about and I knew that I had to grab a copy of her book.

Kirsty’s book Separated By Work is a great exploration of many of the problems we experience in a FIFO lifestyle. Topics she covers include money and goals, parenting challenges, life after FIFO, the all important “why are we doing this” and much more. I personally connected with some of the issues she discusses and found her tips and hands-on solutions useful.

While she shares her personal journey as a FIFO wife, Kirsty has also included stories from others who have someone who works away so you get a real sense that these issues are not exclusive to just you and your family.

What I loved about Separated By Work is that it is not just a personal journey but offers real solutions on how to move through the issues a FIFO lifestyle can cause. Not only has she included her solutions, Kirsty also has had professionals offering helpful advice and includes “how to” templates to help you and your family survive and thrive through your FIFO lifestyle.

As a professional supporting FIFO couples to keep their loving connection alive in their FIFO journey I highly recommend Separated By Work to anyone who is just starting out in a FIFO lifestyle or is struggling with being separated by work. I also feel this book would be a great tool for non FIFO family members to understand the world of FIFO and how to best support their FIFO family members.

If you are looking for a workbook that is easy to read, self paced, full of practical tips, exercises and resources, then Separated By Work is definitely for you.

Keep Smiling

Pamela 

 

Love is in the Air Free Printable’s

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Happy Valentine’s Day Gorgeous,

 

 

Love a Romantic Freebie to keep the love sizzling this month?

Keep Ready Gorgeous a lovely FREE gift awaits you.

 

Experienced as I am as a FIFO wife and coach , one thing I noticed is anytime you have a special event; often we have to turn it into a month of celebrating or a fun countdown to the closest R&R. Sadly one day can create so much press on couples, feeling disappointment because you’re not together, which leads to communication breakdown and arguments. Instead celebrate your love the whole month – Love from afar (apart) and then together with a Romance R&R.

So with this in mind I created this free e-book, so you too can stay connected to your partner during this romantic time. It is filled with fun inspirational ideas and printable goodies to print off… And Send Immediately!

I created this free printable book especially for you. I decided to share some of my printable fun, inspirational DIY ideas to make your FIFO Lovers Valentines a little extra sweet. I know Valentine’s day is only a few sleeps away but I say it’s never too late for romance and make it a month of Loving.  Stay connected this month with these quick and easy ideas which will mean so much to your lover.

A FIFO Valentine’s day can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be! This e-book provides the easy action steps and printable’s to take the stress away and allow you to stay connected and keep the love alive this February.

This 11 page book is packed with fun ideas which include:

Sweet loving pre-made Love notes or create your own with 17 fun loving ideas. Use these adorable love coupons to fill your “Open When” love letter for your sweetie.

Playful Word Search… tell your lover how sweet their kisses are in this playful word search and recreate the fun by try some on your next R&R {wink wink}

Deepen the Love… With 17 conversations start’s to deepen your level of intimacy this valentine’s day.

16 romantic text messages – Use them to start a fun Valentine’s countdown and make your lover smile through the hard days or be a little playful and see what cheeky fun could be had this month of Love! {wink wink}

Filled with Be Mine, Cupid’s Wish, Love Bonus and so much more playful romance…

Grab your FREE 11 page Printable Today

And give your lover’s a sizzling gift of love from afar to remember! Well, until next R&R!

Sorry this You Missed this printable.

Join our online FIFO Relationship Resource hub which includes a relationship building library, Step by Step workshops, lovework, live coaching calls, gorgeous printables and more. All design to support our FIFO relationships.. like to know more click below.

Sorry You Missed this - CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE!

7 Tips to create a happy healthy fifo relationship

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FIFO Lovers

 

Thank you for checking out my 7 tips to create a happy healthy FIFO relationship.

I have turn this blog into a FREE downloadable E-book.

This way you can have access to it whenever you want… No more searching through the blog trying to found it.

To grab your free e-book… Simple click the button below.

You will be taken to another page where you can download your copy immediately.

Remember to save it in a folder for you to access easily and whenever you wish to review it.

Happy Reading 🙂

Get My Free E-Book Now!

 

 

The Day I Stop putting my life on hold…

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Stop putting my life on holdI use to put my life on semi-hold and wait until my husband was home to feel alive… just keeping myself busy with raising our children and working until he was home again. I felt guilty if I was enjoying life without him, as he was working away and giving up time with us, for our future.

I would put everything on hold… all my dreams, goals for the future. I was dying inside… I begin to lose who I was as a person. I was missing out on life, yet life kept moving forward and I was standing still. My husband felt like he had lost the women he married. Our relationship had become a routine and if we kept this up, it would have dyed a slow painful death.

I came to realise that I need to feel alive again. I have to love myself, my life and not feel guilty. It is the most important thing I can do for myself, for my family. If I am happy and feeling alive, then my life works! I can handle the crappy stuff life throws at me.

If I love my life, I’d bring love and joy to our children life and they get to learn from me how to love themselves, their life and not feel guilty for it. Most of all, my husband gets to experience me as a fun loving strong women that he first fell in love with but times it by 1000. I get to experience a relationship with my husband that is alive, full of fun, love, support, passion and friendship all the time… not part-time.

My stop dying journey was not an easy one, you just don’t wake up and make the statement “I going start living today!” I wish it was this easy… It took small steps every day. There were times when I fell off the horse but I dust myself off and got back on… it felt like I was starting again… over, over, over again but I realise that each time I got back on, it was becoming a little easier…. I had to choose it, each time. What was my option: feel dead or worst Divorce!! This was not an option for me!

This had to be my journey, no one could do it for me or give me the right answer to make it go away… All I could do was get an accountability partner or two to support me. The key was to find someone with the right experience, mindset and surround myself with positive support.

I began my journey back in 2010 now looking back I can see, I have leant so much about who I am as a person. How much my life rocks, even tho our lifestyle is still FIFO. My relationship grows more loving every day, seeing how our children are living a powerful life, is exciting.

I continually choose to work on myself every day because I’m worth it… My relationship and family is worth it. Now I have the pleasure to empower others to embrace there life and live a life they love… I feel very blessed and so grateful for choosing to fight for myself.

How you choose to live your life is a choice… Life will always throw stuff at you. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it… This is where the power is… the power to choose how you feel and deal with your life. You just have to choose YOU and everything else will fall into place!

Start Living Today… You are worth it!!!!  

If this is sounding like you click here to find out how I can support you or contact me directly for more info.