Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?

I received an email asking about porn addiction and its effects on a relationship. They also wanted to know if someone can overcome porn addiction.

Some couples occasionally use porn to spice things up in the bedroom, and this has allowed some couples to communicate what they want openly or would like to try as a couple. This is an issue if porn is used regularly or the only way of spicing things up or being turn-on. Many studies have shown porn to be a massive problem for couples.

Couples who used porn together reported a greater passion in the bedroom at the start.  However, those effects quickly wore off, and the sexual intimacy in the relationship suffered. Porn does damage intimacy. When passion fades from the bedroom, couples think they need to spice it up with different positions, locations, toys and even porn, but the problem is not with what happens in the bedroom but within the heart.

When one turns to porn, they are telling themselves and their partner that he/she is not enough and needs more to be turned on. Which leads to their partner ending up with feelings of hurt, betrayal and inadequacy.  The truth is that when one needs porn to feel turned on, this signals a problem within their brain and not with their partner. Studies have shown that porn is a brain function issue which can cause ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, Social anxiety, Emotional numbness and many other conditions.

Science has shown that porn and sex addicts have an addiction to the neurochemicals (oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, norepinephrine, and vasopressin) released during porn use and sexual encounters. Porn addiction rewired the brain by creating a new neural pathway.

The good news is research shows that neurochemistry can change and return to normal, healthy levels. If you or your partner is struggling with porn use, please contact your local porn addiction counsellor and expert. To understand how porn addiction affects the brain and relationships, this TED TALK called “The Great Porn Experiment” contains interesting information that will undoubtedly surprise you.

If you are concerned about the amount of porn you indulge in, Psychologists from Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary developed a test that focuses on how porn makes people feel and how they react when they’re taken away from it. Researchers who developed this test have determined that four per cent of people who watch porn are actually addicted.

If you score 76 or higher, you may have an issue with porn and need to seek support before it affects your relationship.

Here are a few helpful services and resources:
MensLine Australia – 1300 78 99 78 https://mensline.org.au/
Relationships Australia – 1300 364 277 https://www.relationships.org.au
LifeLine Australia – 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
https://www.dads4kids.org.au/greatDads_addictions.html#pornography
Porn the effect on man marriage

Disclaimer:  I am not pornography or sex addiction specialist. This article is in no way to identify porn as good or bad, sinful or not, or if it’s considered adultery. This article simply depicts a proven scientific study on the effects of porn.

Book Review – Separated By Work

Blank vertical book cover template standing on white surface   VSeparated By Work – Kirsty O’callaghan

I first picked up my copy of Separated By Work at Kirsty’s book launch in March 2016. As a long-time FIFO partner and FIFO coach, I enjoyed listening to Kirsty speak about her experience as a FIFO wife. She shared her relationship, family struggles, and the mistakes she made in the beginning, and she really hit home.

I connected absolutely with what she was talking about and knew I had to grab a copy of her book.

Kirsty’s book Separated By Work explores many of the problems we experience in a FIFO lifestyle. Topics she covers include money and goals, parenting challenges, life after FIFO, the all-important “why are we doing this” and much more. I personally connected with some of the issues she discusses and found her tips and hands-on solutions useful.

While she shares her personal journey as a FIFO wife, Kirsty has also included stories from others who have someone who works away, so you get a real sense that these issues are not exclusive to just you and your family.

What I loved about Separated By Work is that it is not just a personal journey but offers real solutions on how to move through the issues a FIFO lifestyle can cause. Not only has she included her solutions, but Kirsty also has had professionals offering helpful advice and includes “how-to” templates to help you and your family survive and thrive through your FIFO lifestyle.

As a professional supporting a FIFO couple to keep their loving connection alive in their FIFO journey, I highly recommend Separated By Work to anyone who is just starting out in a FIFO lifestyle or is struggling with being separated by work. I also feel this book would be an excellent tool for non-FIFO family members to understand the world of FIFO and how to best support their FIFO family members.

If you are looking for a workbook that is easy to read, self-paced, and full of practical tips, exercises and resources, then Separated By Work is definitely for you.

Click Here to grab your copy today!

Keep Smiling

Pamela 

Love is in the Air Free Printable’s

Happy Valentine’s Day, Gorgeous,

Love a Romantic Freebie to keep the love sizzling this month?

Keep Ready, Gorgeous a lovely FREE gift awaits you.

Experienced as I am as a FIFO wife and coach, one thing I noticed is anytime you have a special event; often we have to turn it into a month of celebrating or a fun countdown to the closest R&R. Sadly, one day can create so much press on couples, feeling disappointment because you’re not together, which leads to communication breakdown and arguments. Instead, celebrate your love the whole month – Love from afar (apart) and then together with a Romance R&R.

So with this in mind, I created this free e-book so you, too, can stay connected to your partner during this romantic time. It is filled with fun, inspirational ideas and printable goodies to print off… And Send it Immediately!

I created this free printable book, especially for you. I decided to share some of my printable, fun, inspirational DIY ideas to make your FIFO Lovers Valentines a little extra sweet. I know Valentine’s day is only a few sleeps away, but I say it’s never too late for romance and make it a month of Loving.  Stay connected this month with these quick and easy ideas which will mean so much to your lover.

A FIFO Valentine’s day can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be! This e-book provides easy action steps and printables to take the stress away and allow you to stay connected and keep the love alive this February.

This 11-page book is packed with fun ideas which include:

Sweet loving pre-made Love notes or create your own with 17 fun-loving ideas. Use these adorable love coupons to fill your “Open When” love letter for your sweetie.

Playful Word Search… tell your lover how sweet their kisses are in this playful word search and recreate the fun by trying some on your next R&R {wink wink}

Deepen the Love… With 17 conversation starters to deepen your level of intimacy this valentine’s day.

16 romantic text messages – Use them to start a fun Valentine’s countdown and make your lover smile through the hard days or be a little playful and see what cheeky fun could be had this month of Love! {wink wink}

Filled with Be Mine, Cupid’s Wish, Love Bonus, and so much more playful romance…

Grab your FREE 11-page Printable Today

And give your lover a sizzling gift of love from afar to remember! Well, until the next R&R!

Sorry, this You Missed this printable.

Join our Facebook Group, which is designed to support your FIFO relationship.. like to know more, click below.

CLICK HERE TO JOIN!

14 Tongue Tingling Kisses to Seduce your Lover

“Life, the gift of nature, Love, the gift of life, a Kiss, the gift of Love.”-Unknown

Let’s face it, a great kiss feels good. It makes the world disappear (even if it’s just for a moment) and fills our hearts with desire.

Did you know?
 The average person will spend an estimated 20,160 minutes kissing in their lifetime
 50% of all people have their first kiss before they are 14
 You burn 26 calories in a one-minute passionate kiss… love to kissercise!!!
 53% of women prefer kissing a clean shaven man
 Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) as those that are released when you engage in intense exercises such as running a marathon or skydiving. This causes your heart to beat faster and your breathing to become deep and irregular.
 Lowers Stress and Anxiety by decreasing the stress hormone and has similar benefits to mediation. I say YES to more kissing!
 When kissing, the oxytocin (Love Hormone) levels increase which calms us and simulates pleasure which strengthens our relationship
 Happiness is a kiss away – kissing increases endorphins, our feel-good hormone. Making us feel happier, you feel relaxed, refreshed and revitalised

“One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love.”- Anonymous

Kissing plays a huge part in our life. We all remember our first passionate kiss, and we kiss to keep our long-term relationship alive. Studies have shown that we use kissing to choose a suitable partner. Kissing is more important to women than to men. Women are more likely to see kissing as a way to monitor their long-term relationships.

The studies also revealed that it is important for men to have healthy mouths. The breath and taste of a man’s kiss are highly important in determining if she will keep kissing him in the moment or the future.

Women value the experience of kissing much more than a man. Men are more likely to see kissing as a step towards sex. Men, when kissing, are more interested in facial and bodily attractiveness.

These studies when into more scientific research, but in short, these are the best tips from the art of kissing:

Tips for women:
  The study show men want us women to open our month more…. Men prefer wetter kisses with lots more tongue action
And of course, they want us to initiate more
They want us to stop holding back…. Be more aggressive with your tongue and actively participate in the kiss.

Tips for Men:
 Women like a clean month; she doesn’t want to taste what you had for lunch. Carry mints or use mouthwash before going in for the kiss. Women depend heavily on taste and smell… kissing is an experience for her, so take her on your pleasure journey.
 Women don’t like it when you stuff your tongue down her throat. You are kissing her, not trying to impregnate her with your tongue.
Allow her to breath; we enjoy kissing more if we are not being suffocated.
Listen and feel the way she is kissing. Matching her tempo will create a desire which will allow her to become comfortable with the tongue action you want from her.

96% of Women studied prefer the neck as a second spot to kiss, while only 10% of men do. Women also stated in the studies they would like to be kissed in several different places and styles of kisses.

So with this in mind, it’s time to be creative and start playing… below are a few fun ways to get your tingling tongue in action.

It’s time to Pucker up…

  1. Public Kiss – Not everyone likes the idea of being an exhibitionist. But kissing in public is a declaration of your love, and this act of freedom can be one big turn-on! Instead of going out to dinner, why not try happy hour?
  2. Ice Kiss – Suck on an ice cube until your mouth becomes cold. Remove the cube or exchange it back and forth between you and your partner’s mouth. Allow your cold kisses to trace other parts of the body.
  3. Eyes Wide Open -Try experiencing a passionate kiss with your eyes open and see what happens; it can be both tender and erotic. Sit in front of each other with your legs wrapped around each other’s hips. Listen to each other’s breathing. Once you are in tune with your lover’s breathing, draw your eyes up to meet their eyes. Just continue to listen to their breathing and when ready lean in and begin the kiss… keep staring into their eyes.
  4. Pash-A-Thon – Passionately kiss your lover for at least five minutes longer than usual.
  5. Goodbye Kiss take 2 – We cover this one in my How to make saying Goodbye a Little Easier – Say goodbye to your lover with a quick kiss. As they turn to leave, pull them back for a second, more passionate kiss and include a squeeze of their sexy sweet cheek.
  6. Nibble Nibble – For some, the ear can be very seductive – suck, nibble and tug lightly. Breathe softly into them and whisper something sexy.
  7. Downward Kiss – We just found out that 96% of women and 10% of men like the neck to be kissed. So spend a little time here licking, kissing and light biting around the neck, jawline and shoulders. Have fun, as this is one of the most intensely pleasurable areas of the body.

Let’s Spice it Up….

  1. Angel’s Wing Kiss – Take a piece of ice and place it in the small of your lover’s back. Slowly move the ice up their back to the shoulder blades. End the kiss by gently sucking until the ice melts. Get your partner to try it on you… Think about it, the warmth of his breath upon your skin. The tingling feeling of goosebumps all over your body, feel the excitement… Is it the ice or his touch?
  2. Back Kiss – Remove your lover’s shirt and have them lie down on their stomach. Sit comfortably over your lover’s lower back. Now begin kissing from the neck all the way down their back while softly licking and breathing where you have kissed. This will give your lover cold shivers and can be very exciting. It works very well by adding sweet and playful edible strawberry honey dust. As it adds a little something extra to your kiss, leaving you wanting to kiss your partner more.
  3. Take My Breath Away  – While kissing with a little bit of tongue, you blow into your lover’s mouth, causing their cheeks to poof up! It’s so much fun, and it will make your lover giggle. Don’t blow too hard! This is a cheeky way to start the fun and let your lover know you’re in a playful mood.
  4. Bubble-licious Kiss – Blow a bubble with your favourite bubble gum. Then ask your lover to put their mouth over the bubble and start kissing. This kiss is a lot of fun if you can get passed the giggling, not to mention how yummy it tastes.
  5. Tease Me – If you’re feeling adventurous, try gentle biting to add arousal. Be sure you’re gentle; this passionate gesture can bring out the animal in you.
  6. Bubble Bath Kiss – Fill the bathtub with warm water and lots of bubble baths. While in the bath together, wash and kiss each other simultaneously. You and your lover will both love it, which can lead to even more fun things. Add some sweet-smelling bath salt that is perfect for this kiss, as the beautiful fragrance will help to create a romantic bath time. Turn the phone off, adds some softly lit candles, and the night is yours!!!!
  7. Fireworks Kiss – You need a bag of popping candy. Place a small handful in your mouth and begin kissing your lover… Wait for it…your begin to feel a French kiss explosion! Mmmm…  If you can’t find popping candy try a fruit tingle. Just crush it up a little first and kiss away. Mouth-watering fun!

“Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases.” – Chinese Proverb

Kissing is a great way to initiate a romantic together without having to say a word. It’s a beautiful way to show your lover how much you love them. There are plenty more benefits to kissing. I’m guessing you already have your favourite reasons, so share them with your lover today. As you now have 14 new ways to add fireworks to your kiss. So start kissing away the stress of FIFO and get your tongues tingling with desire on your next RnR.

Lots of love and kisses xoxo

7 Tips to create a happy healthy fifo relationship

FIFO Lovers

Thank you for checking out my 7 tips to create a happy, healthy FIFO relationship.

I have turned this blog into a FREE downloadable E-book.

This way, you can have access to it whenever you want… No more searching through the blog trying to find it.

To grab your free e-book… Simple click the button below.

You will be taken to another page where you can download your copy immediately.

Remember to save it in a folder to easily access it whenever you wish to review it.

Happy Reading 🙂

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The Day I Stop putting my life on hold…

Stop putting my life on holdI used to put my life on a semi-hold and wait until my husband was home to feel alive… just keeping myself busy with raising our children and working until he was home again. I felt guilty if I was enjoying life without him, as he was working away and giving up time with us for our future.

I would put everything on hold… all my dreams and goals for the future. I was dying inside… I began to lose who I was as a person. I was missing out on life, yet life kept moving forward, and I was standing still. My husband felt like he had lost the woman he had married. Our relationship had become a routine, and if we had kept this up, it would have dyed a slow, painful death.

I came to realise that I needed to feel alive again. I have to love myself and my life and not feel guilty. It is the most important thing I can do for myself and for my family. If I am happy and feeling alive, then my life works! I can handle the crappy stuff life throws at me.

If I love my life, I will bring love and joy to our children’s lives, and they get to learn from me how to love themselves and their life and not feel guilty for it. Most of all, my husband gets to experience me as a fun-loving, strong woman that he first fell in love with but times it by 1000. I get to experience a relationship with my husband that is alive, full of fun, love, support, passion and friendship all the time… not part-time.

My stop-dying journey was not an easy one, you just don’t wake up and make the statement, “I going start living today!” I wish it was this easy… It took small steps every day. There were times when I fell off the horse, but I dusted myself off and got back on… it felt like I was starting again… over, over, over again, but I realised that each time I got back on, it was becoming a little easier… I had to choose it each time. What was my option: feel dead or worst, Divorce!! This was not an option for me!

This had to be my journey, no one could do it for me or give me the right answer to make it go away… All I could do was get an accountability partner or two to support me. The key was to find someone with the right experience and mindset and surround myself with positive support.

I began my journey back in 2010. Looking back, I can see I have learned so much about who I am as a person. How much my life rocks, even tho our lifestyle is still FIFO. My relationship grows more loving every day. Seeing how our children are living a powerful life is exciting.

I continually work on myself every day because I’m worth it… My relationship and family are worth it. Now I have the pleasure of empowering others to embrace their life and live a life they love… I feel very blessed and so grateful for choosing to fight for myself.

How you choose to live your life is a choice… Life will always throw stuff at you. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it… This is where the power is… the power to choose how you feel and deal with your life. You just have to choose YOU, and everything else will fall into place!

Start Living Today… You are worth it!!!!  

If this sounds like you, click here to find out how I can support you or contact me directly for more info.