Is this fifo Life making you feel disheartened and questioning why you are doing it?

Are you overwhelmed by the impact FIFO has on you and your relationships?
 
If that is the case, you might like to consider you might need a little time out for some Self-Love!

As March inspires us to celebrate International Women’s Day, I have decided that we focus on filling our love tank by making March the “Month of Celebrating Women”, Including You!  

This FIFO Life can make you feel disheartened, question why you are doing it, and make you feel very lonely. Does this feel like you? Just know that you are not alone, Sister! 

If you want to start to feel more connected with the fun, happy version of you, keep reading as I’m going to share with you how you can use the 5 love languages not only in your relationship but to fill up your self-love tank to have you feel empowered and let your fun confident side shine!

According to Chapman, the five ways to express and experience love called “love languages” are:

Words of Affirmation. Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation. 

Think Self Love – Practice Daily Empowering Affirmations, Journal your Strengths and Successes, Mindful Positive Self-Talk and Gratitude towards Others and Yourself.

Acts of Service. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the baby’s diaper, painting the bedroom, etc. If this is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as these acts of service.

Demonstrate Self-Love – Prepare Healthy Meals, Schedule Health Check-Ups, Planning-Organising and Delegating Chores, Pampering Yourself with Love and Living Purposely.

Receiving Gifts. It means you feel the love from all those small presents your partner gets you! Many people may assume receiving gifts is materialistic and all about the items, but that isn’t necessarily true.

Absorb Self-Love – Gift Yourself with an Experience, Invest in Knowledge and Education for Yourself, Treat Yourself to Travel, and Buy Only what You Love and can afford, sparking Joy. 

Quality Time. Giving someone your undivided attention. … I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention.

Be Present with Self-Love – Engage in Meditation and Mindfulness, Take Yourself on a Date, Prioritize Sleep & Exercise, Engage in a Creative Passion, Spend Time in Nature, and Read a Book.

Physical Touch. Nonverbal love language people use to let others know they are cherished. The physical nature of this language leads some people to think it’s simply about satisfying sensual needs, but desiring physical touch is usually more about feeling seen and safe than about intercourse.

Feel Self-Love – Honour Your Body by doing things that Feel Good, Yoga, Stretch Your Muscles, Take Detoxifying Baths or Hot Showers, Schedule a Spa Day or Massage, and Pamper Yourself.

Self-love is a journey; it will take dedication and practice to love yourself daily. Taking the time to cultivate self-love and become your own best friend will be the most powerful and worthwhile endeavours you make. Create a loving relationship with yourself and watch your best self blossom!

We don’t kiss anymore – How do we bring kissing back into our relationship?

A kiss can be one of the most magical firsts in a relationship. However, the longer we’re in our relationship often, the kissing fades away. This usually happens when kids come along as well.

I want you to have a good look at your relationship. How often do you passionately kiss your partner? I’m talking about after the excitement of Fly-in day!

Has kissing faded away in your relationship?

So Why is kissing so crucial in a relationship?

Science has told us that kissing is how we assess if this person is biologically someone we can have as a partner for life. It influences the way you romantically interact with another. A bad first kiss can make or break a potential relationship.

The act of kissing causes a chemical reaction in the brain, and with this, you experience a rush of neurotransmitters that goes directly to your brain’s pleasure centre.

Sheril Kirshenbaum writes in your book The Science of Kissing, “Because a kiss brings two individuals together in an exchange of sensory information by way of taste, smell, touch, and possibly even silent chemical messengers called pheromones (odourless airborne signals), it has the potential to provide all kinds of insight into another person,”

“So even when our conscious minds may not recognise it, the act can reveal clues about a partner’s level of commitment and possibly his or her genetic suitability for producing children.”

So this can be part of why kissing fades the longer you are in your relationship, as it has served its purpose biologically. Nevertheless, one thing we know for sure is that kissing boosts oxytocin (Love Hormone) and feelings of desire. And it is for that reason that you need to make an effort to keep the kissing alive with your partner.

I say, let’s bring back the enjoyment of Kisses again! And get you and your partner to reconnect with that young, fun, hormone-filled teenage inside and get your Kissin on.

Here’s a playful way to get started – Neck Kissing. ?

Let’s face it, for women and some men, this is one of the most intensely pleasurable areas of the body. Spend a little time here licking, kissing and light biting around the neck, jawline, clavicle bone and shoulders. ?

Embrace the playful teen inside you and surprise your lover with neck kisses ? However, if you are not there yet, that’s ok Gorgeous!

Here are a few tips that might help you bring kissing back into your relationship.

Dr John Gottman, PhD, the love and relationship researcher, has come up with one of the simplest ways for couples to revive kissing. It’s called The 6-second kiss! Why 6-seconds John Gottman says, “that is the amount of time it takes to make it long enough to feel romantic.” So within 6 seconds of kissing, you are boosting the love hormone.

John Gottman suggests couples start simply by sharing a 6-second kiss each day. And let the kiss speak for itself. What I mean is it doesn’t have to lead to sex, but if it does, great, but that’s not the goal here. The goal is to connect with your partner with a long slow, deep, soft kiss.

I understand that this may be a little awkward at first, and this FIFO lifestyle gets hectic, but this doesn’t mean you give up on kissing.

Here are a few tips to push through the uncomfortableness of kissing:

Set a kissing routine – Yes, setting a schedule to make time to kiss may sound unromantic; however, it will increase the love hormone creating a desire and excitement. If you and your partner decide to kiss for 6 seconds each day of your R&R, this will grow into a beautiful habit of making kissing a critical part of your relationship, and pretty soon you won’t need to schedule it.

Initiate Kissing More Often – If you are the one who wouldn’t usually initiate things and are unhappy with your relationship, take a little control, feel empowered and surprise your partner by making the first move. Stealing a few kisses now and then just might motivate your partner to do the same.

Experiment With Different Kissing Styles – One reason kissing fades in a relationship is that it becomes boring. The excitement and arousal were there at the beginning but faded away. Try experimenting with different kissing styles in different surroundings or situations you usually wouldn’t. Check out our blog – 14 Tongue Tingling Kisses to Seduce your Lover.

Talk About Your Kissing – Communication is the key to a happy relationship. Talk about any concern or feeling you may be experiencing about taking on this 6-second kissing challenge with your partner. Having a chat about kissing is an excellent way to find out exactly how your partner likes to be kissed, and you let them in on what your desires are.

If you both prioritise kissing and focus on being each other “ideal kisser,” you will soon become much more connected, appreciated and loved.

Added Bonus Did you know that A Minute Kiss Burns 26 Calories!

The next step is for you to try this every day of your next R&R together. Do you accept the 6-second kissing challenge?

If you accept this challenge and are willing to share, I’d like to hear how it goes.

Happy Kissing Gorgeous x

Real romance comes from the brain and this is how impacts your relationship

I am a True Romantic at Heart. But as life goes on and our lives get busier, Romance goes out the window, especial if our partner is hardly ever around. Sometimes you wonder if your partner even has a Romantic Bone in their body, so then, you stop trying! Here are a few things that I have come across in my reach regarding your biggest Love Organ.

That’s right, your Brain!!

Your heart is perhaps the organ most people associate with emotion, but your thoughts and the areas that recognise love are stored inside your head.

So for those who are lovers of True Romance, you are our Right-Brained Lovers.

The right-brained people tend to be creative and spontaneous. They feel first and think second.

You are incredibly intuitive, which means you can catch on quickly when your partner is feeling down suddenly. However, you need to be aware this can trick you into thinking you’re a mind-read or assume you know what is going on in your partner’s head even when you really don’t.

Here are a few tips to bring a little more Romance into your Relationship:

  • Appreciate your partner’s uniqueness
  • Right-Brained lovers take love seriously but have a great sense of humour.
  • Intimate love is their top priority – Make romantic gestures without ulterior motives.
  • Right-Brained Lovers are flexible
  • You will need to tap into their creativity regularly.
  • It is a pretty good mind-reader (incredibly intuitive)
  • They celebrate sexuality.
  • They see the world in a slightly unusual way.
  • They are open to both the masculine and the feminine.
  • Remembers essential dates and anniversaries
  • Maintains a deep, spiritual connection with their lover.
  • Is spontaneous.
  • They define themselves as a lover.
  • They are continuously learning and growing.

Left-brained people tend to be logical and practical. You think first and feel second.

You are going to need time to solve problems as they arise. As you are not impulsive, emotional, or reacting to anything, you will need to take a step back and think about things as they stand. As a left-brained person, a spontaneous date night is not your thing; you love to have a plan. But be aware that you will analyse everything.

Tips for Left-brain lovers to bring a little more romance into your relationship:

  • Increase the amount of fun you have together by 10%
  • Say “I love you”, or better still, say “I’m IN love with you” 300% more often.
  • Spend 10% as much time kissing as you spend watching TV or on your phone when home.
  • If you’re quiet by nature, open up a little and talk 20% more.
  • Listen to your partner by focusing 100% of your attention on them. (No multi-tasking)
  • Give up 10% of your downtime when home and give it to your partner.
  • Generate 33% more laughter in your life together.
  • Spend 15% more time together.
  • Reduce your complaining by 50%
  • Be 25% more creative in your relationship.
  • Reduce your criticising by 60%
  • If by nature you’re talkative, talk 20% less and listen 20% more
  • Be 11% more thoughtful and considerate.

So in short, the left brain analyzes, the right brain intuits; the left brain thinks, the right brain feels; the left brain is logical; the right brain is emotional.

Left-brian lovers can be incredibly romantic; however, it’s just that right-brain lovers are loader, creative and spontaneous at showing it. But then again, those logical types are great planners of surprises and are great at noticing little but essential things about their partners.

Start putting a few of these tips into action, and you with have a passionate summer with the love of your life!

Recipe for Romance

Do you feel like FIFO has taken the romance out of your Valentine’s?

I get it, gorgeous you are so busy holding the family together while your partner works long hours away. And by the time you can catch up on a call, you both are so tired you feel like there is no time for romance or planning a unique Valentine’s Day together.

However, here at FIFO Love, we believe you can celebrate Valentine’s Day throughout February if you want to. Although I understand entirely being apart on a romantic day like Valentine’s is challenging.

So before you think about crawling into bed, pull the covers over your head because your partner is not home. I have some fun romantic ways for you to experience love this Valentine’s Day, whether you are together or apart.

Cheeky Tip 1
Together: Spread whipped cream or even better chocolate syrup on selected body parts and invite your lover to enjoy dessert. ?

Apart: ? For those whose lover is away, send them a text telling them how you just found this excellent recipe, and you want to try it when they get home and share the recipe with them. ?

Cheeky Tip 2
Give yourself a little self-love this valentine’s by using Fragrance to boost your self-confidence and feel sexy ?

It only takes 2 seconds to spray a little of your favourite perfume. <3 You can do it after you brush your teeth or hair. Don’t save it for that special occasion. As we all know, in this FIFO lifestyle, those days are far and few.

The scent is such an incredible part of our lives. We often forget how powerful the sense of smell can be regarding sexual attraction. It’s not just an essential part of attracting your partner; it’s necessary for seducing yourself! ?

Remember, a scent can trigger specific memories of a person, place or time. If there was a sexual buzz surrounding the way you experienced an aroma, you could revisit that self-confidence-boosting mojo again just as powerfully as smelling it again.?

So start spraying some sweet sense, my sassy sister and give your self-confidence mojo a boost! ?

Cheeky Tip 3
Host Valentine’s day catch-up with friends.
I get that valentine’s day is meant as a romantic day shared with your lover, but when you are alone, it’s nice to share it with friends. Another FIFO sister who will be alone this Valentine’s and I organised a fun lunch this week for Valentine. It was fun, and we ever surprised each other with a small gift.

Cheeky Tip 4
Send your lover Valentine’s Day Care Package.
As February is the month of love, it’s never too late to send your partner a care package. Decorate the inside with shades of red and pink and include hearts, cupids, and arrows. Fill the box with items that connect with fun memories you two share, Valentine’s letters or cards, sweets and handmade paper flowers or hearts.

It can be easy for the pain of being apart to get you down during these special days. Just remember your love for each other is not only celebrated on one day. You can choose how you create and celebrate each other, regardless of this FIFO lifestyle.

How to get your partner to open up to you

Having excellent communication is one of the most essential skills a couple can have and plays a key part in having a solid loving relationship.

It’s common for one person in a relationship to withdraw during the conflict, which will increase the frustration and loneliness of the other partner. When you add the separation of FIFO to a relationship, working through a common issue can become harder for the couples. Often leaving them feeling like everything is on hold and/or living in hope that the next time they are together will be better.

If the couple continues this communication style, it will become an unhealthy pattern. Which will eventually lead to one or both giving up on trying to keep the connection alive. When this happens, the couple will have a very serious problem. Because relationships fail when people stop believing their partner can be who they want or need them to be.

In this video, I’ll share 3 tips for getting your withdrawn partner to open up.

Sometimes, no matter how gentle you are with your partner, they will still shut down, avoid and defend. I often see this happen when the negative cycle of FIFO creeps in and takes over the relationship.

When couples continue to live in hope that the next time will be better or avoid dealing with problems, this will keep the negative, hurtful patterns alive. And if a couple waits too long to get help, this can destroy their trust in each other and their commitment to the relationship.

Support is available if you are experiencing difficulty in communicating with your partner. I created a Facebook group as an online community for women ready to feel fabulous, empowered and in love with their life.

If you are looking for one-on-one support, I offer personalised coaching to help you learn how to connect and recreate the deep loving connection you desire. We work with your challenges in real time. I will be working with you to develop new habits, ways of being, thought processes and actions that will help you to recreate your relationship into something amazing. If this sounds like you, please contact me directly for more info.

Why is date night important in a relationship?

Why is Date Night important in a FIFO Relationship?

Keeping date night alive is essential to maintaining a strong, healthy and loving relationship. I feel date nights are essential to all types of relationships, couples who have been together for a long time and couples with children. However, after a decade of being a FIFO wife and working with many FIFO couples, it is essential for couples who are separated by work to make time for their relationship. Why? Because we don’t have face-to-face interactions with our partners to stay connected daily. We all want and need to keep our love tanks full, or better yet, have them overflowing, so that our time apart is more bearable.

Many couples come to me because they have found themselves falling out of love and falling into dangerous territory. However, in my 27-plus years of marriage and professional career working with couples, it’s not as easy to fall out of love when you spend quality time together. Date night keeps a relationship fun and joyous, providing a healthy balance with difficult times. Date night is a proactive way to continually create feel-good moments that help to keep a healthy solid connection.

It also stops you from using your R&R (together) time trying to reconnect but instead allows your relationship to flow, keeping your love tanks full. Dates night gives you new things to talk about when apart, keeping the lines of communication alive. And we all know how important communication is in a FIFO relationship.

Date Night Brings Back the Spark and keeps the Fire burning while apart!

For me, date night would take me into another world and remind me that I am a wife and not just a FIFO wife or mum of 3 trying her hardest to keep our household running smoothly. Date night ignites the sparkle in my eyes and in my heart. It gives me something to look forward to every R&R.

It makes the countdown exciting and helps me remember those beautiful feelings of our courtship days.

We often forget that a relationship needs to be nourished, and keeping all those feelings of love alive is an opportunity and the responsibility of both of you. You can’t just stop doing everything you used to do when you were courting and expect your relationship to stay strong and exciting. Your relationship needs constant nourishment emotionally, spiritually and sexually.

For many of us FIFO families, R&R is family time. But as a mum of 3, I would find myself longing for Fly-In Day, as I knew there was some much-needed downtime for me, for us. The heart of a strong family is a strong marriage/relationship where couples prioritise each other. Relationship/couple time is different from family time, so ensure that every R&R has a portion of family time and couple time.

Emotional intimacy and connection grow through regular date nights, it’s the fuel that makes you and your partner feel loved, cherished and desirable, especially while apart. Date night is not optional for FIFO couples who want to stay close and connected.

Date Night is Emotional Foreplay for a FIFO Relationship…

Date night grows the emotional connection between couples, allowing all those days apart to wash away any feeling of disconnect FIFO has created. It is an essential part of emotional foreplay, which many women need to feel close to their partner and stop them from feeling lonely in their FIFO relationship. This emotional closeness makes it easier for her to move from feeling emotionally intimate to wanting to be physically intimate long after the fly-in day has faded.

It is essential not to have “string attached” to your date night as this will lead to disappointment and undo all the wonderful positive feelings your date night has created. Nobody wants to feel as though they are being “wined and dined” because of something that is expected in return. Just enjoy each other and focus on building your connection. And your time together will take care of itself! (wink wink)

Just Enjoy Each Other – Some of my favourite dates were when we would put the kids to bed a little early and snuggle up on the lounge watching a movie, or we sat outside with a few drinking and chatting away as if the distance of FIFO never existed.

Whether your date nights are an evening dinner date, a lunch date during the week, or even just time spent together after the kids are in bed, this time is gold and sacred.

If you are not having at least one date when on R&R, now is the time to start adding a little emotional foreplay to your relationship by booking a date night or two. Whatever you decide to do on your dates, just enjoy each other and reconnect with WHY you dated and fell in love with each other in the first place.

The Day I Stop putting my life on hold…

Stop putting my life on holdI used to put my life on a semi-hold and wait until my husband was home to feel alive… just keeping myself busy with raising our children and working until he was home again. I felt guilty if I was enjoying life without him, as he was working away and giving up time with us for our future.

I would put everything on hold… all my dreams and goals for the future. I was dying inside… I began to lose who I was as a person. I was missing out on life, yet life kept moving forward, and I was standing still. My husband felt like he had lost the woman he had married. Our relationship had become a routine, and if we had kept this up, it would have dyed a slow, painful death.

I came to realise that I needed to feel alive again. I have to love myself and my life and not feel guilty. It is the most important thing I can do for myself and for my family. If I am happy and feeling alive, then my life works! I can handle the crappy stuff life throws at me.

If I love my life, I will bring love and joy to our children’s lives, and they get to learn from me how to love themselves and their life and not feel guilty for it. Most of all, my husband gets to experience me as a fun-loving, strong woman that he first fell in love with but times it by 1000. I get to experience a relationship with my husband that is alive, full of fun, love, support, passion and friendship all the time… not part-time.

My stop-dying journey was not an easy one, you just don’t wake up and make the statement, “I going start living today!” I wish it was this easy… It took small steps every day. There were times when I fell off the horse, but I dusted myself off and got back on… it felt like I was starting again… over, over, over again, but I realised that each time I got back on, it was becoming a little easier… I had to choose it each time. What was my option: feel dead or worst, Divorce!! This was not an option for me!

This had to be my journey, no one could do it for me or give me the right answer to make it go away… All I could do was get an accountability partner or two to support me. The key was to find someone with the right experience and mindset and surround myself with positive support.

I began my journey back in 2010. Looking back, I can see I have learned so much about who I am as a person. How much my life rocks, even tho our lifestyle is still FIFO. My relationship grows more loving every day. Seeing how our children are living a powerful life is exciting.

I continually work on myself every day because I’m worth it… My relationship and family are worth it. Now I have the pleasure of empowering others to embrace their life and live a life they love… I feel very blessed and so grateful for choosing to fight for myself.

How you choose to live your life is a choice… Life will always throw stuff at you. The only thing you can control is how you deal with it… This is where the power is… the power to choose how you feel and deal with your life. You just have to choose YOU, and everything else will fall into place!

Start Living Today… You are worth it!!!!  

If this sounds like you, click here to find out how I can support you or contact me directly for more info.