Keeping the Spark Alive… Even with Kids!

Keeping the Spark Alive… Even with Kids!

It can be really challenging to find time to set aside to strengthen your relationship.  Raising 3 children while being FIFO was often hard. With my husband home 3 days out of 14, we learnt quickly how important it was to make a love plan and take action to make the most of our time together.

If we didn’t make ‘us’ time, we wasted our precious time together, leaving us feeling disconnected and hoping that the next R&R would be better. And the truth was, it wasn’t until we made a commitment to making couple time each R&R.

When a couple chooses to focus on the children or other things that pop up without making time for each other they often find themselves growing apart instead of together. And, by the time the children have grown up, often there is nothing left in the relationship, and sadly the couple breaks up.

As a couple, you have to make a choice to see your relationship as the highest priority in your life and deserving of time and attention each R&R. When you make your relationship number one, it will become easier to find the time to nourish it.

A relationship is like a plant – give it water it grows and thrives and when you stop watering it begins to die… If you choose to water your relationship with couple time, it will grow and thrive. However, if you stay living in the hope that next time will be better, your relationship will break down.

So how do you to find time together:

The first thing is a Date Night – every R&R should include at least one date night. Remember, date nights don’t have to be expensive or include a babysitter, as finding a babysitter can be complicated when you are FIFO.

Make it a snuggly date night by watching a movie and building a loving connection by sitting close together on the lounge. Create a fun night playing games with music in the background, take a romantic walk around the block holding hands, swap massages, or have a sexy bubble bath together. It will even build your loving connection by simply having a few drinks under the stars together.

Date night can also happen while you are apart, and I talk more about this in the Love Action Plan Workshop. One idea is to both watch the same show at the same time with your phone line open so you can hear each other laughing or sharing what just happened.

Regular date night (couple time) strengthens your connection and really is not optional if you want to have a thriving relationship in a FIFO lifestyle.

My next tip is to create bedtime routines – Couple time can be found by getting your children into a good bedtime routine, and this routine needs to stay in place when the FIFO parent comes home. Involve the FIFO parent while they are away in this bedtime routine, and share with them why it’s essential for them to support you in keeping this bedtime routine. 

Tell your partner by creating and keeping this bedtime routine that you will have time and energy available for a one-on-one time when they are back. By involving your partner, you are standing together as a couple and as mum and dad. You could have a video call and have the FIFO parent read a bedtime story which can then carry on when they are home.

Teach your children about couple time – Over the years of working with couples, I have found teaching children about the importance of mum and dad having time together alone gives your children a deep sense of security to know that their parents are happy and have a strong bond. And in a FIFO lifestyle, it is far too easy for children to feel insecure and then act out if they see or feel their parent’s relationship disconnecting.

Make Your Relationship No 1 – For couples who want a thriving relationship, you must embrace the FIFO lifestyle and learn how to make it a fun, cheeky part of your relationship. The key is to set your priorities and schedule your time and energy accordingly. 

This is why it is essential to make a Love Action Plan. By understanding your FIFO cycle and how it affects your relationship, you will easily know when you need to step it up in your relationship. You will be able to schedule in time together and hold to it as best you can.

By creating your Love Action Plan, you will have a set day and time when you can save some of your energy for each other and not let yourself get consumed by other things. If you want any help setting this up, head over to my Love Action Plan Workshop for step-by-step instructions on how to set this up.

Include your Partner; communication is key to any relationship and the glue that holds us together while we are apart. Brainstorm with your partner ideas about what will work best for your relationship. Be open to each other’s ideas and come up with multiple options.

If you find yourself still struggling, please reach out to me. You do not have to struggle in silence; there is support available; feel free to contact me or connect with me on FaceBook

 Keep Smiling

Pamela x

Recipe for Romance

Do you feel like FIFO has taken the romance out of your Valentine’s?

I get it, gorgeous you are so busy holding the family together while your partner works long hours away. And by the time you can catch up on a call, you both are so tired you feel like there is no time for romance or planning a unique Valentine’s Day together.

However, here at FIFO Love, we believe you can celebrate Valentine’s Day throughout February if you want to. Although I understand entirely being apart on a romantic day like Valentine’s is challenging.

So before you think about crawling into bed, pull the covers over your head because your partner is not home. I have some fun romantic ways for you to experience love this Valentine’s Day, whether you are together or apart.

Cheeky Tip 1
Together: Spread whipped cream or even better chocolate syrup on selected body parts and invite your lover to enjoy dessert. ?

Apart: ? For those whose lover is away, send them a text telling them how you just found this excellent recipe, and you want to try it when they get home and share the recipe with them. ?

Cheeky Tip 2
Give yourself a little self-love this valentine’s by using Fragrance to boost your self-confidence and feel sexy ?

It only takes 2 seconds to spray a little of your favourite perfume. <3 You can do it after you brush your teeth or hair. Don’t save it for that special occasion. As we all know, in this FIFO lifestyle, those days are far and few.

The scent is such an incredible part of our lives. We often forget how powerful the sense of smell can be regarding sexual attraction. It’s not just an essential part of attracting your partner; it’s necessary for seducing yourself! ?

Remember, a scent can trigger specific memories of a person, place or time. If there was a sexual buzz surrounding the way you experienced an aroma, you could revisit that self-confidence-boosting mojo again just as powerfully as smelling it again.?

So start spraying some sweet sense, my sassy sister and give your self-confidence mojo a boost! ?

Cheeky Tip 3
Host Valentine’s day catch-up with friends.
I get that valentine’s day is meant as a romantic day shared with your lover, but when you are alone, it’s nice to share it with friends. Another FIFO sister who will be alone this Valentine’s and I organised a fun lunch this week for Valentine. It was fun, and we ever surprised each other with a small gift.

Cheeky Tip 4
Send your lover Valentine’s Day Care Package.
As February is the month of love, it’s never too late to send your partner a care package. Decorate the inside with shades of red and pink and include hearts, cupids, and arrows. Fill the box with items that connect with fun memories you two share, Valentine’s letters or cards, sweets and handmade paper flowers or hearts.

It can be easy for the pain of being apart to get you down during these special days. Just remember your love for each other is not only celebrated on one day. You can choose how you create and celebrate each other, regardless of this FIFO lifestyle.

Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?

I received an email asking about porn addiction and its effects on a relationship. They also wanted to know if someone can overcome porn addiction.

Some couples occasionally use porn to spice things up in the bedroom, and this has allowed some couples to communicate what they want openly or would like to try as a couple. This is an issue if porn is used regularly or the only way of spicing things up or being turn-on. Many studies have shown porn to be a massive problem for couples.

Couples who used porn together reported a greater passion in the bedroom at the start.  However, those effects quickly wore off, and the sexual intimacy in the relationship suffered. Porn does damage intimacy. When passion fades from the bedroom, couples think they need to spice it up with different positions, locations, toys and even porn, but the problem is not with what happens in the bedroom but within the heart.

When one turns to porn, they are telling themselves and their partner that he/she is not enough and needs more to be turned on. Which leads to their partner ending up with feelings of hurt, betrayal and inadequacy.  The truth is that when one needs porn to feel turned on, this signals a problem within their brain and not with their partner. Studies have shown that porn is a brain function issue which can cause ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, Social anxiety, Emotional numbness and many other conditions.

Science has shown that porn and sex addicts have an addiction to the neurochemicals (oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins, serotonin, norepinephrine, and vasopressin) released during porn use and sexual encounters. Porn addiction rewired the brain by creating a new neural pathway.

The good news is research shows that neurochemistry can change and return to normal, healthy levels. If you or your partner is struggling with porn use, please contact your local porn addiction counsellor and expert. To understand how porn addiction affects the brain and relationships, this TED TALK called “The Great Porn Experiment” contains interesting information that will undoubtedly surprise you.

If you are concerned about the amount of porn you indulge in, Psychologists from Eötvös Loránd University in Hungary developed a test that focuses on how porn makes people feel and how they react when they’re taken away from it. Researchers who developed this test have determined that four per cent of people who watch porn are actually addicted.

If you score 76 or higher, you may have an issue with porn and need to seek support before it affects your relationship.

Here are a few helpful services and resources:
MensLine Australia – 1300 78 99 78 https://mensline.org.au/
Relationships Australia – 1300 364 277 https://www.relationships.org.au
LifeLine Australia – 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/
https://www.dads4kids.org.au/greatDads_addictions.html#pornography
Porn the effect on man marriage

Disclaimer:  I am not pornography or sex addiction specialist. This article is in no way to identify porn as good or bad, sinful or not, or if it’s considered adultery. This article simply depicts a proven scientific study on the effects of porn.

How to get your partner to open up to you

Having excellent communication is one of the most essential skills a couple can have and plays a key part in having a solid loving relationship.

It’s common for one person in a relationship to withdraw during the conflict, which will increase the frustration and loneliness of the other partner. When you add the separation of FIFO to a relationship, working through a common issue can become harder for the couples. Often leaving them feeling like everything is on hold and/or living in hope that the next time they are together will be better.

If the couple continues this communication style, it will become an unhealthy pattern. Which will eventually lead to one or both giving up on trying to keep the connection alive. When this happens, the couple will have a very serious problem. Because relationships fail when people stop believing their partner can be who they want or need them to be.

In this video, I’ll share 3 tips for getting your withdrawn partner to open up.

Sometimes, no matter how gentle you are with your partner, they will still shut down, avoid and defend. I often see this happen when the negative cycle of FIFO creeps in and takes over the relationship.

When couples continue to live in hope that the next time will be better or avoid dealing with problems, this will keep the negative, hurtful patterns alive. And if a couple waits too long to get help, this can destroy their trust in each other and their commitment to the relationship.

Support is available if you are experiencing difficulty in communicating with your partner. I created a Facebook group as an online community for women ready to feel fabulous, empowered and in love with their life.

If you are looking for one-on-one support, I offer personalised coaching to help you learn how to connect and recreate the deep loving connection you desire. We work with your challenges in real time. I will be working with you to develop new habits, ways of being, thought processes and actions that will help you to recreate your relationship into something amazing. If this sounds like you, please contact me directly for more info.

A Christmas Romance Free Printable’s

A Christmas Romance Banner

Merry Christmas, Gorgeous,

Happy young woman having Christmas video chat with lover

Being in a FIFO relationship is hard, especially at this time of year. For some of us, we have our partner’s home, and for the rest of us, we have to think outside the box to make Christmas a little extra special for our partner who won’t be home.

If you, like me, are always looking for fun ideas to keep the connection alive while apart but find the internet search overwhelming and don’t know where to start or what to start with! You can stop your search here because I’ve created the perfect FIFO Christmas gift experience for you and your partner.

The Best Part? It’s FREE!!!!

I created this free printable book, especially for you. I decided to share some of my printable fun, inspirational DIY ideas to make your FIFO Lovers Christmas a little extra special.

Stay connected this Christmas with these quick and easy ideas which will mean so much to your lover.

A Fifo Christmas can be stressful, but it doesn’t have to be! This e-book provides easy action steps and printables to take the stress away and allow you to stay connected and keep the love alive this Christmas.

This 14-page book is packed with fun ideas which include:

Christmas together. Top view of Christmas decorations and photograph in picture frame laying on the rustic wooden grain

Jaw-dropping pre-made Love Coupons or create your own with 20 fun-loving ideas. Use these adorable love coupons to fill your “Open When” love letter for your sweetie.

Playful DIY Stocking Stuffers Ideas… You will love these easy-to-create playful stocking stuffers – and so will your lover. {wink wink}

Cheeky Kiss-mas Ideas for under the mistletoe – ask your lover to pick one to try next R&R and make their eyes light up with excitement!

Being Naughty feels Oh so Nice… It’s time to create your Naughty and Nice Wish List. Describe your cheekiest Christmas fantasies in every naughty or nice detail, so your lover can make your wishes come true next R&R.

 25 fun and cheeky Christmas text messages – Use them to start a fun Christmas countdown and make your lover smile through the hard days or be a little playful and see what cheeky fun could be had this Christmas eve! {wink wink} 

And so much more…

Grab your FREE 14-page Printable Today and give your lover’s a merry gift of love from afar to remember! Well, until the next R&R!

Sorry, this You Missed this printable.

Join our Facebook group design to support your FIFO relationships.. like to know more, click below.

CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE!

14 Tongue Tingling Kisses to Seduce your Lover

“Life, the gift of nature, Love, the gift of life, a Kiss, the gift of Love.”-Unknown

Let’s face it, a great kiss feels good. It makes the world disappear (even if it’s just for a moment) and fills our hearts with desire.

Did you know?
 The average person will spend an estimated 20,160 minutes kissing in their lifetime
 50% of all people have their first kiss before they are 14
 You burn 26 calories in a one-minute passionate kiss… love to kissercise!!!
 53% of women prefer kissing a clean shaven man
 Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) as those that are released when you engage in intense exercises such as running a marathon or skydiving. This causes your heart to beat faster and your breathing to become deep and irregular.
 Lowers Stress and Anxiety by decreasing the stress hormone and has similar benefits to mediation. I say YES to more kissing!
 When kissing, the oxytocin (Love Hormone) levels increase which calms us and simulates pleasure which strengthens our relationship
 Happiness is a kiss away – kissing increases endorphins, our feel-good hormone. Making us feel happier, you feel relaxed, refreshed and revitalised

“One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love.”- Anonymous

Kissing plays a huge part in our life. We all remember our first passionate kiss, and we kiss to keep our long-term relationship alive. Studies have shown that we use kissing to choose a suitable partner. Kissing is more important to women than to men. Women are more likely to see kissing as a way to monitor their long-term relationships.

The studies also revealed that it is important for men to have healthy mouths. The breath and taste of a man’s kiss are highly important in determining if she will keep kissing him in the moment or the future.

Women value the experience of kissing much more than a man. Men are more likely to see kissing as a step towards sex. Men, when kissing, are more interested in facial and bodily attractiveness.

These studies when into more scientific research, but in short, these are the best tips from the art of kissing:

Tips for women:
  The study show men want us women to open our month more…. Men prefer wetter kisses with lots more tongue action
And of course, they want us to initiate more
They want us to stop holding back…. Be more aggressive with your tongue and actively participate in the kiss.

Tips for Men:
 Women like a clean month; she doesn’t want to taste what you had for lunch. Carry mints or use mouthwash before going in for the kiss. Women depend heavily on taste and smell… kissing is an experience for her, so take her on your pleasure journey.
 Women don’t like it when you stuff your tongue down her throat. You are kissing her, not trying to impregnate her with your tongue.
Allow her to breath; we enjoy kissing more if we are not being suffocated.
Listen and feel the way she is kissing. Matching her tempo will create a desire which will allow her to become comfortable with the tongue action you want from her.

96% of Women studied prefer the neck as a second spot to kiss, while only 10% of men do. Women also stated in the studies they would like to be kissed in several different places and styles of kisses.

So with this in mind, it’s time to be creative and start playing… below are a few fun ways to get your tingling tongue in action.

It’s time to Pucker up…

  1. Public Kiss – Not everyone likes the idea of being an exhibitionist. But kissing in public is a declaration of your love, and this act of freedom can be one big turn-on! Instead of going out to dinner, why not try happy hour?
  2. Ice Kiss – Suck on an ice cube until your mouth becomes cold. Remove the cube or exchange it back and forth between you and your partner’s mouth. Allow your cold kisses to trace other parts of the body.
  3. Eyes Wide Open -Try experiencing a passionate kiss with your eyes open and see what happens; it can be both tender and erotic. Sit in front of each other with your legs wrapped around each other’s hips. Listen to each other’s breathing. Once you are in tune with your lover’s breathing, draw your eyes up to meet their eyes. Just continue to listen to their breathing and when ready lean in and begin the kiss… keep staring into their eyes.
  4. Pash-A-Thon – Passionately kiss your lover for at least five minutes longer than usual.
  5. Goodbye Kiss take 2 – We cover this one in my How to make saying Goodbye a Little Easier – Say goodbye to your lover with a quick kiss. As they turn to leave, pull them back for a second, more passionate kiss and include a squeeze of their sexy sweet cheek.
  6. Nibble Nibble – For some, the ear can be very seductive – suck, nibble and tug lightly. Breathe softly into them and whisper something sexy.
  7. Downward Kiss – We just found out that 96% of women and 10% of men like the neck to be kissed. So spend a little time here licking, kissing and light biting around the neck, jawline and shoulders. Have fun, as this is one of the most intensely pleasurable areas of the body.

Let’s Spice it Up….

  1. Angel’s Wing Kiss – Take a piece of ice and place it in the small of your lover’s back. Slowly move the ice up their back to the shoulder blades. End the kiss by gently sucking until the ice melts. Get your partner to try it on you… Think about it, the warmth of his breath upon your skin. The tingling feeling of goosebumps all over your body, feel the excitement… Is it the ice or his touch?
  2. Back Kiss – Remove your lover’s shirt and have them lie down on their stomach. Sit comfortably over your lover’s lower back. Now begin kissing from the neck all the way down their back while softly licking and breathing where you have kissed. This will give your lover cold shivers and can be very exciting. It works very well by adding sweet and playful edible strawberry honey dust. As it adds a little something extra to your kiss, leaving you wanting to kiss your partner more.
  3. Take My Breath Away  – While kissing with a little bit of tongue, you blow into your lover’s mouth, causing their cheeks to poof up! It’s so much fun, and it will make your lover giggle. Don’t blow too hard! This is a cheeky way to start the fun and let your lover know you’re in a playful mood.
  4. Bubble-licious Kiss – Blow a bubble with your favourite bubble gum. Then ask your lover to put their mouth over the bubble and start kissing. This kiss is a lot of fun if you can get passed the giggling, not to mention how yummy it tastes.
  5. Tease Me – If you’re feeling adventurous, try gentle biting to add arousal. Be sure you’re gentle; this passionate gesture can bring out the animal in you.
  6. Bubble Bath Kiss – Fill the bathtub with warm water and lots of bubble baths. While in the bath together, wash and kiss each other simultaneously. You and your lover will both love it, which can lead to even more fun things. Add some sweet-smelling bath salt that is perfect for this kiss, as the beautiful fragrance will help to create a romantic bath time. Turn the phone off, adds some softly lit candles, and the night is yours!!!!
  7. Fireworks Kiss – You need a bag of popping candy. Place a small handful in your mouth and begin kissing your lover… Wait for it…your begin to feel a French kiss explosion! Mmmm…  If you can’t find popping candy try a fruit tingle. Just crush it up a little first and kiss away. Mouth-watering fun!

“Kissing is like drinking salted water. You drink, and your thirst increases.” – Chinese Proverb

Kissing is a great way to initiate a romantic together without having to say a word. It’s a beautiful way to show your lover how much you love them. There are plenty more benefits to kissing. I’m guessing you already have your favourite reasons, so share them with your lover today. As you now have 14 new ways to add fireworks to your kiss. So start kissing away the stress of FIFO and get your tongues tingling with desire on your next RnR.

Lots of love and kisses xoxo

How to make saying Goodbye a Little Easier

One of the downsides to the FIFO lifestyle is having to say goodbye every few weeks or, in my case, every 11 days… Being in a DIDO/FIFO relationship for a decade now, I understand how time flies when your partner is home. You’re excited to see them walk through the door. Next, your love them being there when you wake up, then you blink, and they’re packing their bags, and we saying goodbye.

Emotionally, saying goodbye in this lifestyle can be one of our most challenging things. Their home time never feels long enough. Yes, we survive it… we stay strong and keep ourselves busy until the next RNR. We know going into this lifestyle is part of the routine, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Believe me, after 10 years, I still have days where it’s hard to say those words and smile through the tears. This has allowed me to see that we are very much in LOVE…. if I didn’t feel this way, then it wouldn’t hurt or be hard to part.

Knowing that my partner somehow hates the goodbye reassures me that we are ok in this lifestyle and that our love for each other is stronger than the distance.

For me, this is something to be very proud of. As many couples are not in this lifestyle, see their partner every day and don’t get to feel or have the gentle reminder of how in love they really are… but that is a whole other conversation, which I will save for another day.

Saying goodbye to your partner doesn’t mean we are saying goodbye to our relationship.

It’s just the nature of our relationship while in this lifestyle. The change from being a physical relationship (Kissing, cuddling etc) to one that is more communication (phone calls, texting, skype etc), which can be fun!

By having both physical and distance, we learn more about ourselves and our relationship much faster, creating a stronger bond or connection. A non-fifo relationship doesn’t get to experience both physical and non-physical, or if they do experience it, it’s usually not over a long period of time, so the positive impact of missing their partner can be short-lived.

In the urban dictionary, “goodbye” means “Leaving someone or something, and sometimes never seeing them again.”

I thought I would share my tips on saying goodbye a little easier.

Try not to say the word goodbye, as it has a final ending feeling to it, so formal. It can also reinforce our subconscious mind that this is the end, connecting it to our relationship because one partner is leaving the other.

Keep it casual and try to use words like:

Talk to you tonight
See you later
See you soon.
Have a good day or night
Take care
Catch you later
Bye for now
Safe travel
Until we meet again 😉

Keep it fun by saying:
Peace out babe
Smell you later
Toodle-oo
See you later alligator
Give em hell
Happy trails
Adios (Spanish word)

You could channel your inner 50 shades by saying:

Laters baby
Spank you later baby

And add a wink or two!!!

Romantic goodbye:
I’ll dream of you
I’ll see you in my dreams
Au revoir (French always sounds romantic)

Keeping your goodbyes playful helps keep the love, desire, and flirty fun alive. Keeping the feeling of love and desire alive while apart, in short, creates a sense of wanting in the partner who is away… creates a desire or yearning to be with you… I will share more about desire another day.

Little tip: for those who want to try the cheeky goodbye… maintain eye contact, get into their personal space… get in real close and go in for the hug; linger a few seconds longer and if you feeling really playful or want them to have something to think about on their way back to camp… either go in for the killer kiss or squeeze their sexy sweet cheek… (Yes, I mean their cute ass!) Now don’t say a word if they ask what’s that for… just wink and say your version of good-bye, “Until we meet again or Laters baby” If this is something you don’t normally do, it will surprise them, and they will LOVE IT!

So before you both zoom off into the world, take a minute to communicate how much you enjoyed your time together. Make a date for your next call to touch base, as this helps you feel connected with each other. Follow this with a minimum six-second kiss. Kissing is an act of emotion, and adding a six-second kiss creates or seals an emotional connection, a bond between two people.

Saying goodbye is an unavoidable part of FIFO relationships. Remember that the time spent apart allows you to appreciate your time together. So, however you say goodbye, remember to keep it fun and playful, as it’s not forever!

Later’s Baby
 xoxo

7 Tips to create a happy healthy fifo relationship

FIFO Lovers

Thank you for checking out my 7 tips to create a happy, healthy FIFO relationship.

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